My letter to snow this year

Dear Snow,

I hope you take the least amount of offense possible to my following statements. I'm not sure how else to word this, but...I hate you. If it was up to me, you would visit us on Christmas morning, and then evaporate after I'm done with you. I enjoy the occasional sledding day, but only at my convenience should you reside on the ground.

You make driving an absolute nightmare. Because of you, I was over an hour late to work this morning. My normal 10-15 minute drive took me nearly 2 hours, and it's all. your. fault. You caused my car to spin out multiple times and caused countless accidents. Common sense in people goes out the window when you're around. The idea that you can't just slam on your brakes and stop immediately doesn't occur to many drivers. There is no sense of moderation while driving in you. There are two speeds. Fast & stop.

Here's the thing. I know many people enjoy your company for things such as snowboarding and skiing... However I find these activities pointless and retarded. Don't get me wrong, I won't bash on other people's hobbies too much, but travelling at excessive speeds down an icy hill holds NO draw for me.

Also, you're only pretty for about five minutes. Then a dog comes along and pees on you, or cars drive in you and you get all black, slushy, and hideous.

You cause homeless people to sleep my stairwell at work. Which makes for a really awkward conversation when the security guard tells him he can't live there.

I don't like being cold. I don't like being wet. You are both.

Wet socks is also a common occurence when you choose to grace us with your presence. No matter how delicately I put on my shoes/boots to avoid hitting any place on my rug that is wet, I always seem to end up with wet socks. Wet socks=cold feet. Cold feet=aggravated Alyssa.

To further extend my hatred for you, I have to shovel you. Yes. I have to go out of my way, put on a shirt, pants, two pairs of socks, a snow coat, gloves, and a hat just to go outside and move precipitation out of the way of my car/foot path/walking space.

I wonder if anyone else has noticed this strange phenomenon of snow plows. They clutter the roads when it snows about a half an inch, and make driving behind them slow to go. However, when an actual blizzard hits, they're nowhere to be found. Maybe they take the day off, like I wish I could be doing right now. Laying in bed with my husband (who has the day off), sipping either hot chocolate or cider (maybe both at the same time, who knows...) and watching The Office.

Yes, dear snow, that is how I wish I could be spending my day. But no. I'm here at work sitting at my desk, glaring out the window at your ugly self. I'm being forced to plan my whole day around you, a fact that I DO NOT appreciate.

For all these reasons, I do in fact strongly dislike you. Please make yourself go away ASAP, as it would make my life at least a billion times easier.

Best regards,
Me